about fear

I agree…I love trust

I love that you go hiking in filmy skirts!

those are the craziest leg warmers I've ever hiked 9 hours with.  :-) 

and trust – yes. that’s what we were doing wasn’t it. spontaneous behavior is almost impossible without trust that things will turn out just fine or that if they don’t you’ll be able to be just fine in the long run anyway. we really do already have all the resources we will ever really need inside of us, no??

I think there is something else - I'm not trusting or fearless either, I just do things anyway and take my chances. Is there a word for that?

courageous or brave come to mind.

I would love to take credit for that but it isn't quite the way it is. I don't understand being fearless - oh my gosh, I can think of so many things to be afraid of, and I do. Think of them. I make lists sometimes. And I'm not at all trusting, other than trusting that what I know about people and circumstances is probably fairly accurate and I can go with it, which is just trusting myself really. But I still take lots of chances and try lots of things and engage anyone and everyone I can because that's where all the fun is and I do hilariously unsafe things. But maybe that's what the “long run” perspective is all about. It's a calculated risk I guess, that eventually I'll be able to pick up after myself and all will be well…so far, so good.

farland and I were talking about choosing the less known thing, the more adventurous thing….   but I think, trusting that I'll have the resources to deal with whatever comes up as a result of those choices plays a part…  for me it's trusting myself, my own perceptions and abilities, and also trusting, for lack of a better word, the universe.  I think I definitely see the world as a mostly benign place and some might say that's because I live and work in such a paradise, but I felt pretty darn safe even in most places in L.A. and NYC and when I lived a pretty bad neighborhood in San Francisco as a teen – I would get a heightened awareness, but I wouldn't often be terribly afraid.  Back then I can say that I was reckless, a not smart risk taker, but now I just have a certain confidence that I'll be find no matter what, not that things will always be perfect, but that I'll be fine anyway.  I think it's a kind of freedom – maybe I know that I'll be fine even if I'm hurt or killed. 

but I have to tell you about the last time I was really, really scared, recently, but I can't tell you now because I have to do some work.   grrrr.  that darn work.  always getting in the way.  :-)   

yes.  it was on sopris after you went down already and it was snowing and I went the sort of wrong way and it was a straight down drop off and if I did the wrong thing I would die, but I just said to my self, out loud and repetitively, “you're okay. don't look down. keep your eyes where you want to go.  slow and steady wins the race.  you are okay.  keep your eyes where you want to go.”    I need to tell it here,but I'm too tired now.  the debate and jordan and you and the girardots and brian and adam and the dogs and the cat and the veggies and the soup and the wine and chatting with jeannie and my roommate and car rearrangement has got me totally and utterly – euphoric and…..   goodnight!!   zzzz.  xoxo -d

Farland
Designer clothes..a second home in Aspen…you are surely a TRUST funder

xx
L

Y'all are making me keenly aware that I MUST go for a nice long hike soon. Trust shows the way. yes.