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control
October 2009 
When in your life have you felt most out of control?
Posted on Feb 11th, 2008
by 
Farland
Farland
This is in Response to the Questions and Reflections for February 10, 2008:
The times when I have been trying to untangle from relationships where the one side is still clutching on and I want to unravel it not just cut the thing off so I can take my whole self away and not leave pieces of me broken behind.
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Don't I know what you are talking about! I am thinking though that we all need a big dose of faith, it is not possible to lose what cannot be lost… “The chances that get thrown away come right back again. The heart remembers all, and will not give in…”I think living with a wildly open heart is about letting go, and letting go, and letting go of letting go, and then letting go of that, and again….. what remains is the Beloved…. Always… or ahem, in my bravest moments, this is my working hypothesis…. :)love Jane…PS. I hope you are planning a trip here soon…. log cabin is under some snow, but the weather will improve soon….
The one side I am writing about is the other person holding on to me grabbing and I'm trying to break free but not wanting to leave my hair behind (theoretically) like rapunzel. It's not the hair though that would be easy but things I imagine deep inside that I want intact. Or maybe I don't want pieces of them left inside me and that is what I'm trying to unravel their blood veins from my own. We are both buried in snow in such far away places.!
'true d'at' as my David would say….. and I think, herein lies a koan…..
My daughter is feeling that right now - the person on the other side not able to let go. I've been so lucky though. Meet, learn, love, grow, gently disengage, enter a new phase. Always. I have no idea why. No irreducibly bad things thrown or received either way. Luck.
Albert? You are lucky, but that isn't just luck.
That's very sweet of you Jeannie. And Farland, that photo is so…so…tangly. Oh yeah, right…;-)
Albert Jeannie's right maybe not luck. Those are the good ones the gentle slipping aparts.
I have never experienced a gentle slipping apart, well, at least not in romantic relationship– and that is not just unlucky. :-) maybe I will learn it someday. although there have been some friendships that were gentle slipping aparts at the end, and maybe in them is the lesson of the way. though– I think a more important lesson for me is that apart and together can both be grand illusions. and far apart physically can be very close emotionally and vice versa.
and brillant photo and words together, as always fish. :-)
Interesting that Brian posted something about this on thinkArete here is a copied part of it.
Stand next to your partner, not touching. OK. Now stand next to your partner and gently touch the side of each other’s arms. (Isn’t that nice? :))
Now, lean into your partner so that you’re pushing them over a bit. Feel that? Things get a little shaky/strained/effortful—and if you push too hard (or soften or move one way when they move another), one or both of you may fall over.
That’s kinda like what happens when we don’t take 100% responsibility in our relationship: we either take more or less and things start to get a little unstable. Feel it?
yes!! exactly!! exactly!! and also – isn't it amazing how our bodies can help us understand abstract concepts like interrelatedness and codependence.
I like being here….listening to you all talk.
kind of tangly-tango-y isn't it. ;-) I like that we're all here, whereever “here” is. ;-)
I think I always have parts of the people I've been entangled with and they always have parts of me. But neither of us are missing parts because of that - I'm positive that giving love away and letting it go doesn't leave you with less, just the opposite.
I've only had one unhappy parting with the other person still very resentful toward me years later, so overall I think it's gone pretty well.
But I leave the tangly bits to get woven into to another's life. It's all I can do to take care of weaving what I've had given to me.