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conflict
May 2009 
What is your relationship to conflict?
Posted on Apr 15th, 2008
by 
Farland
Farland
This is in Response to the Questions and Reflections for April 15, 2008:
Aspen trees are connected to each-other in their root system. They spread out like a lovely tapestry thrown across the slopes of the mountains. As they grow up tall the trees shed their branches. You can see the lower ones turn gray wither and fall. In this way the trees all have a chance to feel the sun on their leaves, to eat the light. The trees along the edges of a grove sprout branches freely where no aspen trees grow yet, and an occasional single tree is hard to recognize in shape it spreads out wide. Beavers gnaw and drag away whole hillsides of aspens for their dams. Gnomi and Sticky snarl and bite at each-other in some unresolved confliction every day. I stand back and watch and love the fierceness like a quick storm. Conflict is part of all life.
Then there is a sad kind that I don't know how to respond to here. The kind that is inside one person. I do not want to be around yelling or bickering or sarcasm or angry silence. I don't like to breathe those exhales into my blood stream. Like the birds that fly when I raise the camera to my eye.
The aspen trees are all dying. Yesterday we skied through faded groves. The trunks have turned a strange yellow color and the bark is cracking.
Then there is a sad kind that I don't know how to respond to here. The kind that is inside one person. I do not want to be around yelling or bickering or sarcasm or angry silence. I don't like to breathe those exhales into my blood stream. Like the birds that fly when I raise the camera to my eye.
The aspen trees are all dying. Yesterday we skied through faded groves. The trunks have turned a strange yellow color and the bark is cracking.
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I think human animal conflict is different from other-animal conflict. And other-animal conflict is never that internal kind, and there aren't the resentments that build up, but I still like my internal fighting things out with myself sometimes. And I'm okay that I don't immediately bite other people's faces when I'm upset, I like that I use words before I do the face-biting.
I love the shell necklace, by the way…Willow likes to wear decorative things. If I have a bandana or a hairband in my hand she will try to get her head into it. The others couldn't care less. The others like to wear dirt. Looks good on them.
But face biting is such a great way to resolve things :-) I can't keep collars on Sticky. Gnomi pulls them off steals them. Now that the snow is melting I am finding Sticky collars around the yard.
I am the wrong person to talk about conflict. I just don't get upset. I am missing that part of emotion the getting bothered by things part. I don't internalize or avoid issues there is no welling up inside. It has taken a life time to not yet understand about other people. Ah hah that means I can use face biting first!!! because it will never happen because my response is a hug or a smile or a laugh and that's usually acceptable behavior.
I think animals that have been forced into living in a too human place develop those internal conflicts. And those dying aspen trees are dealing with some internal conflict too.
Here is a story. Timon was a gentle boy in every sense of that word. When he was about 3 he had a wooden dagger hand carved by his father. He carried it everywhere and pretended to be a pirate. One day his boy cousin took it and stabbed Timon in the mouth cutting the sides of his lips where they meet. When he settled down he told me that was not what that dagger was for. His cousin had mis-used it. I asked him what it was for and Timon told me it was for cutting people's heads off. He understood that idea about biting face first when it won't happen.
A couple of years ago a weird October storm destroyed a lot of our trees around here. I was depressed for weeks. It was like I was caught up in a room with a lot of angry and bickering people. I know what you are saying.
I'm blown away and humbled by all these fine observations…thanx farland, Jeannie, maze….you ground me in immanence again…Jon xx
I kept thinking. Jeannie about those interesting fighting inside fights. The ones that come up and resolve are the universal ones like self limbing our withered branches or snarling through the tongue. The kind that fester unresolved maybe unattended or denied as self ones laid on others how did we get to that?
Jon I loved your response the one you wrote on your blog standing away and watching
I can't go 'home' tonight there is what a strange thing a big wild fire closing the road and threatening the place where I have my trailer. The house was evacuated. Dawn has been keeping me posted from her work.
I was taught very young to avoid conflict, to fly low under the radar, to never stand up for myself or express anger because it only makes bullies came at you harder. I reached the pinnacle of this two years ago when I nearly let a bully destroy me. This entry hits home because I recently stood up to a bully – yet another boss – what am I, a magnet? – stood up for myself and wouldn't back down. And when the bully just got worse because she couldn't make me cower, I went and got a bigger dog to back her down. All that anger coursing through me, not repressing it, not denying it … I hate to say it, but it was exhilarating, my little bit of “face biting”. Not a state I want to live in permanently, for sure. But to give it reign for once, in defense of myself, well, it was quite a thing. Maybe by spending some time letting myself feel anger, letting myself express it, I'll be able to walk through to the other side and be as Farland and just not get bothered by things anymore. But I'm ok with this detour right now, the feeling/expressing detour. After 40 years, it feels good to get some of it out for a change.
I love this picture today Farland.. face-biting serves me right now! Been fighting things out inside myself too long on some issues, but face-biting almost has a sweetness in its immediacy.
DiamondLil thanks for sharing here too.. I am exhilerated now that I've read your post. Strangely. Accepting something that flew too low for it's own good.
Got a big dog lined up for some stuff I need to deal with!
Lil I wasn't taught to avoid conflict so much as not even experiencing anger or real conflict as a child. I did get dragged around a bit when I went out into the big world without any training. It seems like it couldn't have happened another way. I needed to find my own way of standing up which of course is more complicated when you are a fish.
I get where you're coming from, Farland, that's why i'm so very fond of your “upright” icon picture :-D All your photos share the depth & compassion of one who has more than found her own way. I thank you for the sharing !
(what do you think is happening with the aspen trees?)
They seem to have become more susceptible to various kinds of cankers.
There is a huge sadnes that come with being surrounded by the dying trees.
so that's what it is I am feeling…what do you suppose the aspens are trying to learn?
I think they are learning how to die